Hope, Diana
Gabaldon, Charyl Lady
Charyl: Just One
Hoser's Perspective "You're going
to do what?" I heard this question repeatedly from my
non-hosed, Diana Gabaldon illiterate friends and family.
"You're going all the way to Seattle and Vancouver to meet
people you don't even know? People you met on the internet?"
You're going to stay in their house with them,
too?" "Yes," I
replied. "But, but, do
you think that it's safe?" With that vote
of confidence from my loved ones, I boarded the plane on
Tuesday and headed west. I was met by
Hope in the Seattle airport and the fun began. First off,
Hope felt that surely I needed to get some exercise after
that long flight, so shortly after we began driving she let
loose with the right front hub cap, and "suggested" that I
go chase the thing down. Next she wanted to have herself
photographed with every red-headed lad in Seattle, so off we
went. Hope is a wonderful tour guide. She even showed me the
bar in the oldest restaurant in Seattle, from which we were
seen staggering out (I am such a liar *g*) Oh, BTW, one
of the first things Hope asked me was if I wanted to get a
tattoo *g*. We also looked high and low for a palm reader,
but no luck. Wednesday I
traveled up to LOL headquarters AKA Judie's house. When I
got to the Canadian border, the customs officer grilled me
with questions. What did I do, I wondered. "Where are you
from? How did you get here? What's your occupation (Stupid
man. He didna know what a hoser was)? Is that a rental car?
Where are you going? Where are you staying?" To that
question I answered that I would be staying with friends.
The questions resumed with, "How did you meet this friend?"
I answered, "Um, on the internet." Have you ever seen
anyone's eyebrows rise to meet their hairline? Now the
serious questions began. "What does your friend do?" Yikes!
What is it that Judie does.... "Um, she makes lots of hosers
very happy?" I had to dig out every piece of ID I had, the
rental car agreement came out, the car was inspected. All in
all I felt quite special. Another magic moment to
treasure. A knock on
Judie's door was met by Tamara, little Judie (man! is she a
sweetie), and a loud yell for Mom. Judie came down the
stairs, and it didn't take us long to get hosed (Lord Rick
is a great guy with equally fine facial hair). We later took
off for a drive. Saw the waterfront area, took some
pictures, yak, yak, yak - Great fun! Back to the house for
dinner, then picked up Kim Marie, who is a delightful first
class hoser, and more touristy driving. Did you know that
Judie honks for squirrels? She honks not just to warn them
but to say hi. We stopped at Starbucks (Judie haunts these
places), and spent more time in hoser
conversation. Thursday
evening - I'm sooooooo excited!!! Lorri arrives at Judie's
house. Whoa! What a hoser she is. Where the h*ll are you
Lorri? You promised to become a regular on the board. I bet
she really does already have a tattoo somewhere. Funny lass,
for sure. We picked up Kim Marie and with Judie driving
(still honking at squirrels) we (Judie, Tamara, Lorri, Kim
Marie and I) headed toward Surrey and our meeting with
Herself. Oh Big Bummer!
Diana's plane did not take off due to mechanical trouble.
Diana won't be at the book signing. The people at the book
store tell us that she may not even be here until sometime
tomorrow. Talk about long faces in our crowd. Disappointment
big time. But me? I'm about ready to sh*t a brick, because I
am also aware (along with Hope and Kate who are awaiting our
arrival in the Penthouse suite) that Diana was going to join
our party with Kiltboy. ARRGH! What to do? We all waited
around the bookstore for a bit, accosting every young person
that passed our way. "Are you Mandy? Are you Faith?" "Yes,"
answered one young person. So I introduced myself, and said
the other ladies are waiting for you, and let's go up to the
Penthouse with Hope. At which point she gave me a verra
strange look. She mumbled something about not going
anywhere. I questioned her again, and decided I need a
hearing aid. Her name was not Faith but Faye, and poor Faye
was not a hoser. If Diana
wouldn't be able to sign our books, then we decided to have
our own book signing. Kim played the role of Herself, and
sat down at a table. Lorri sat down across from her and had
her book autographed. This hoser activity went on long
enough that we had some very hopeful people eyeing us. It
seems they thought that Kim really was Diana and were
waiting for all of us to leave so they could approach
'Diana' with their books. Well, it was my night for verra
strange looks as I broke the bad news to our audience. The
big positive about our hanging around was that we recruited
a new hoser, Hedy. What luck for us all. Finally, after
leaving a message for Mandy and Faith, we left the mall, and
went to the Penthouse. I'm still having very quiet tizzy
fits, over the Kiltboy without Diana scenario. "Hooooope!"
my mind was screaming. "What are we going to do?" Hope and I
immediately went for a stroll (leaving poor Kate and her Mom
as hostesses) to the front desk to talk about re-structuring
the evening, got that worked out, then went back to the room
determined to do whatever it took to turn disappointment
into a hosed festive occasion. Hope began by telling about
her experience on the Oprah Winfry show. I have to tell you
that Hope was really terrific in lifting everyone's spirits.
She provided just what the doctor ordered in the way of
hoserosity! Kudos to Hope! We are all
here and getting acquainted. Meeting everyone in person is a
real hoot. We already "know" each other, but we have never
met. It's a very interesting experience, ye ken? Hope left a
message for Herself at the front desk inviting her to join
us no matter what time it was. Meanwhile, we partied on and
those of us in the know awaited the arrival of Kiltboy. The
phone rang, Hope answered and put on a real good show that
she was talking to the dh, when in reality she was speaking
with ....... KILTBOY! She whispers to me that he's on his
way. Hehehehe, so cool! There is a
knock on the door. The plan was for me to act startled and
answer the door, while Hope started the music. So, I open
the door expecting to greet our kilted lad, but instead
there stands Diana. I was stunned into silence - could not
find my speech for the amount of time it took my brain to
align reality with my expectations. I glanced back toward
Hope, thinking frantically. But, at this point I was a few
crayons short of a box. Finally, I let out a big hoot (and
got yet another verra strange look) and assured Diana that
she was in the right place and welcomed her into the room
with hoser hospitality. We began
chatting again, this time with Diana working the room. Diana
wanted a tall glass of water to quench her thirst and then
proceeded with the wine. Within 10 minutes there was another
knock on the door. I answer and tell Kiltboy that he is in
the right place and let him in (Dare I say that I was
tempted to step outside the room with him and close the
door? Nah. I wouldn't dare say that). Kiltboy puts on a good
show, acting as a misplaced time traveler lad from the past.
He looks GREAT! He glances around and asks, "What year is
this?" He wanders to the window and parts the curtains with
his sword, turns around and looks astounded at all the
cameras and asks us what these things are as they are busy
flashing away. Too funny. Then the strip begins. Judie said
when Kiltboy walked into the room, "That's not a stripper is
it?" She appeared truly appalled and she really gave me a
start for a moment. Judie was fine though once she realized
that Diana knew all about it. Judie tried to blend into the
wall. Diana was smiling and enjoying herself. Hope was
grand, Faith got cornered by Kiltboy and seemed to like it.
Kate was not shy, Lorri got quiet and did not want to give
him the money due to his sweaty bod. Tamara was given the
assignment of watching her Mom and taking as many pictures
as possible. Kim was the real bold one - no shyness there,
(hehehe Kim). I was busy taking pictures. Kiltboy did come
up to me and "made" me remove his shirt. Very nice bod! He
was a real good sport. Hope, Kate & I were the only ones
who knew that Kiltboy was going to hang around with us for a
while and there was a bit of comedy watching the other
ladies while they wondered why this guy was still here. Too
funny. After he departed we all chatted with Diana. Did you
know that she and Doug met while playing French horns in the
marching band? She told us stories about her family. She was
very generous with her time. We gave her gifts. She opened
the dragonfly box and immediately put the pin on. She opened
the book that Judie made of all our letters to Diana, and
the full LOL introductory pack, and began reading them.
After Diana departed we sat Judie down for her turn. She
opened her gift. She elected to read the letters from her
hoser fans at a later time. It was very early in the morning
when we left Hope and Kate's room. The next day,
Hope, Kate, Judie, Kim, Tamara and I gathered together for
lunch. We re-lived the previous evening's events and had a
grand time. Hehehehe! Guess where we went next? But you all
already know this, no? What you may not know is that two
other hosers were a hair's width away from also getting
tattoos. They have committed for next year. Meeting
Herself and spending time with her was a wonderful
experience. She is a genuinely nice person, and I will never
forget that memory. The real treasure for me, however, was
meeting my Lallypals. Each is a very special person, and I
am so glad I had the chance to meet them. (Kate, I havena
seen you on the board much, and you promised along with
Lorri :) Finally, I can
verify *g*, that our leader, Judie, is as wonderful as she
seems. She is definitely a class act, and we are so lucky to
have her as our Number One Hoser. Judie is a real Lass with
Class. That's my
story and I'm sticking to it. - Charyl